Starting a new school year can bring a mix of emotions for children and teens. Some are excited to see friends, while others feel nervous about new teachers, tougher classes, routine changes or being away from home.
It's normal to feel a little worried before a transition. However, for some children, these worries become so intense that they make it hard to go to school, stay in class or take part in daily activities.
This is called school avoidance or school refusal. School avoidance is not simply a kid who is unwilling to go to school. It can be a sign that they are dealing with intense emotions, stress or worries that feel overwhelming.
If you are worried about your child, keep reading to learn what to watch for and what steps to take next.
What are back-to-school nerves?
Starting a new school year can bring many changes. Even children who usually enjoy school may feel unsure before the first day.
Common back-to-school worries include:
- Meeting a new teacher
- Making new friends
- Adjusting to a new schedule
- Moving to a new school or grade
- Keeping up with homework or activities
- Worrying about tests, grades or expectations
“Transitions can cause a lot of feelings for children,” said Alyssa Bowman, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Banner Health. “With support, most kids can go to school and forget their nerves by following a daily schedule, making friends and joining school activities.”
Your child might feel nervous in the morning but still go to school, participate in class and enjoy parts of the day.
What is school avoidance?
School avoidance happens when fear, stress or physical symptoms keep your child from going to or staying in school.
A child with school avoidance may:
- Often complain of stomachaches, headaches or feeling sick in the mornings
- Ask to stay home from school frequently
- Cry, panic or get very upset before leaving for school
- Have trouble separating from parents or caregivers
- Leave school early or visit the nurse often
- Avoid certain classes, activities or situations at school
- Worry more about school, which can affect sleep, eating or daily routines
Children who avoid school often have physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, nausea or a racing heart. These may improve during weekends and holidays,” Bowman said. "Parents should watch out if these symptoms last longer than a week or start to interfere with their child’s daily activities.”
If your child has new, severe or ongoing symptoms, talk with a health care provider or mental health specialist to rule out medical causes.
Why a child might avoid school
There isn't just one reason a child might start avoiding school. Every child’s experience is different. But possible reasons include:
- Feeling overwhelmed by schoolwork
- Having social problems, like trouble making friends or being bullied
- Being afraid of making mistakes or failing
- Changes at home or school
- Struggling to adjust after a transition
- Feeling unsafe or uncomfortable at school
- Stress that affects how your child handles emotions
“Children and teens often have a hard time putting a feeling into words, like naming exactly why they’re anxious,” Bowman said. “Instead, their body sends physical cues that signal distress, which is often how the anxiety shows up first.”
School avoidance doesn't mean your child is lazy or misbehaving. Often, it's a way for your child to show that something feels hard to handle.
How can parents tell the difference?
The biggest difference between back-to-school nerves and school avoidance is how much worry affects daily life.
“School avoidance typically lasts more than two weeks, comes with real distress and can lead to chronic absences,” Bowman said.
If you’re unsure, ask yourself:
- Can my child go to school even if they feel nervous? A child with normal back-to-school nerves may feel anxious but can still attend, participate and adjust over time.
- Is my child’s distress stopping them from going to school? If fear, emotional upset or physical symptoms frequently keep your child from going or staying at school, they may need extra support.
- Is this pattern lasting? A tough morning or a few nervous days early in the school year doesn’t always mean your child is avoiding school. But if these patterns continue and interfere with school, friendships or family life, it’s important to pay attention.
How to respond
When a child is struggling with avoidance, it’s normal for parents to feel frustrated, worried or unsure of what to do. The best way to help is to show understanding and be clear with rules.
Listen and stay calm
Start by trying to understand what your child is going through. You might say:
- “I can see this is really hard for you right now.”
- “Can you tell me what is the most difficult about going to school?”
- “Let’s figure out what support you need.”
Don’t dismiss your child's worries or make them feel ashamed. Reassure them that you will work together to create a plan to help them get back to their usual routine.
Talk to your child about why they don’t want to go to school. It might be because of bullying, trouble with their homework or problems with a teacher.
“If they say they feel sick, listen carefully but also discuss what might be causing those feelings,” Bowman said. “Work with them to find ways to help them feel better and less worried.”
Keep a consistent routine
Avoiding school can make fears worse over time. Working towards regular attendance, with support, helps your child rebuild confidence.
Helpful steps include:
- Keep a consistent bedtime and morning routine
- Prepare clothes, backpacks and lunches the night before
- Break challenges into smaller steps
- Celebrate progress, even small steps
“If your child is really struggling, it can help to step them into it gradually,” Bowman said. “For example, drive them to school and head home the first day, walk them to the classroom the second, do a half day the third and a full day by the fourth.”
She also encourages parents and kids to talk about what they’re most looking forward to at school the next day before bed, then revisit that conversation again in the morning on the way.
Partner with the school
You don't have to handle school avoidance alone. Teachers, counselors and support staff can help find challenges and make a plan.
Your child’s school may assist with:
- A gradual return to school
- Classroom support
- Check-ins with a counselor
- Addressing academic or social concerns
- Finding stressors at school
What not to do
Even with good intentions, sometimes parents can increase stress or make their child feel unsupported. Here are some things to do and avoid:
- Don’t dismiss their feelings
- Don’t rely mainly on punishment
- Don’t let them avoid problems without a plan
- Don’t ignore physical symptoms
- Don’t try to handle everything alone
“It’s OK to encourage your child to go to school if they are feeling well enough to be up and moving at home.” Bowman said. “If they refuse, you should not give them special treatment like extra screen time or snacks when they stay home. You want school to be a place they want to go.”
When to seek extra support
If school avoidance affects your child’s daily life, sleep, mood or relationships, it’s a good time to seek professional help. A behavioral health provider can help your child understand their feelings, learn coping skills and work through challenges that might be causing school avoidance.
[Also read: Spotting Mental Health Concerns in Children and Teens.]
What if my child talks about hurting themselves?
If your child talks about hurting themselves, doesn’t want to live or shares thoughts of suicide, take it seriously and get help right away.
- Call or text 988 to contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for immediate support.
- If your child has a plan to hurt themselves or there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest ER.
Takeaway
A few nervous days at the start of the school year are normal. Most kids get comfortable within a week or two. But if fear or physical symptoms keep your child from going to or staying at school and things don't improve, it could be school avoidance.
You don’t have to handle this alone. With empathy, clear structure and support from your child’s school and health care provider, most kids start to feel okay about school again. Trust your instincts and ask for help when you need it.
Find a Banner behavioral health specialist.
FAQs
Is it normal for kids to feel nervous before school starts?
Yes. Many children and teens feel nervous before a new school year. Usually, their nerves get better once the routine becomes familiar.
What is the difference between school anxiety and school avoidance?
School anxiety is when a child feels worried about school. School avoidance is when those worries or feelings of distress keep a child from going to or staying in school.
Why does my child feel sick before school but get better at home?
Anxiety can cause real physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches or nausea. If your child often has these symptoms on school days, talk with a health care provider.
Should I make my child go to school?
The goal is to support your child's return to school. How you do this matters. Work with your child, the school and a health care provider if your child is very distressed or if the problem lasts a long time.
Can avoiding school be a sign of anxiety or other mental health concern?
School avoidance can happen for many reasons, like feeling stressed, having trouble with friends, worries about schoolwork or emotional problems. This doesn’t automatically mean they have a mental health condition. A mental health expert can help figure out what’s causing the problem and what kind of support might help.
Related articles:
- What Parents Should Know About Signs of Anxiety in Kids
- 8 Ways to Help Your Teen With Social Anxiety Face the World
- Let’s Talk: How to Discuss Mental Health With Your Child or Teen
