You might turn to your family relationships for love, connection and support. But you might also have complicated, stressful or emotionally draining relationships with some of your family members. You might be dealing with ongoing disagreements, old wounds, personality clashes or difficult interactions.
Allison O'Mara, a clinical psychologist with Banner - University Medicine, said that this type of struggle is more common than people may realize. “Many people struggle with difficult family dynamics, especially during times of stress, illness or transition,” she said.
Dr. O’Mara shared some practical ways to cope with family conflict, protect your well-being and find healthier ways of relating to your family members.
1. Understand what you can and cannot control
You can’t change another person’s thoughts or actions. What you can control is how much emotional energy you give and how you respond.
It helps to remind yourself that:
- People behave the way they do for reasons that may have nothing to do with you.
- You are not responsible for fixing someone else’s behavior.
- You can choose how much emotional energy you give to situations.
This doesn’t make conflict easier but it does make you the driver of your own reactions.
2. Set clear and healthy boundaries
Healthy boundaries with family members are limits that protect your emotional space. They help define what you can and cannot give, so you can stay more grounded and present.
Boundaries are about taking care of yourself. Over time, ignoring your own limits can lead to burnout, anxiety or emotional withdrawal.
“Setting boundaries is important and is often one of the hardest skills when dealing with a difficult family member,” Dr. O’Mara said. “Boundaries are not about punishing someone or pushing them away. They are about protecting your emotional well-being and preserving relationships when possible.”
Boundaries work best when they are specific and focused on behavior, not on changing the other person. Examples include:
- Saying “no” to requests you cannot or do not want to meet
- Having shorter visits
- Limiting time spent in heated conversations
- Deciding which topics are off-limits
- Choosing when and where you interact
- Stepping away if an interaction becomes overwhelming
Setting boundaries with relatives can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if it’s the first time you have held a boundary. “Family members may react with confusion, defensiveness or even guilt-inducing comments,” Dr. O’Mara said.
“Consistency matters more than explanation. You don’t need to justify or over-defend your limits. Thoughtful boundaries can reduce conflict, increase self-respect and create healthier ways of staying connected, even in difficult family relationships,” Dr. O’Mara said.
3. Practice calm communication
When emotions run high, it’s easy for conversations to get heated.
Try these communication tips:
- Use “I” statements that focus on how you feel instead of what you think the other person did wrong, like “I feel upset when…”. Using “I” statements can reduce defensiveness, because they shift the focus to your thoughts and emotional experience rather than assigning blame.
- Stay focused on the present issue rather than bringing up old conflicts.
- Take a breath, slow your speech and speak calmly.
- Listen without interrupting.
- If you need to, briefly step away. “That can help prevent reactive responses that can lead to regret later,” Dr. O’Mara said.
These tips don’t guarantee that you and your family member will agree but they can help keep your dialogue respectful and productive.
4. Manage expectations
People won’t always respond the way you hope. Even if you use all the right words and try your best, some family members may not change their behavior.
“Accepting that a family member may not show up in the way you wish can reduce ongoing disappointment and emotional exhaustion,” Dr. O’Mara said.
Adjusting your expectations doesn’t mean you have to settle for hurtful behavior. It means recognizing reality while choosing what is best for your well-being.
5. Choose your battles wisely
“Not every comment, behavior or disagreement needs to be addressed,” Dr. O’Mara said.
Consider:
- Is this issue affecting your life in a meaningful way?
- Is it something that can wait or be revisited later?
- Will addressing this lead to meaningful change or will it drain you further?
Saving your energy for the more important conversations can make it easier to stay calm and present when it really matters.
6. Seek support outside the family
It can help to talk with someone who is not part of the situation to get emotional support with family stress. You may want to connect with:
- A trusted friend or family member who listens without judgment
- A support group for people facing similar challenges
- A licensed therapist or counselor
“It’s important to surround yourself with people with whom you share a sense of connection and who give back emotionally. Seeking support can help you feel less isolated and more grounded,” Dr. O’Mara said. Support can give you space to sort through your emotions and develop coping strategies.
“Sometimes talking through things with someone outside the family system can bring perspective and validation, especially when dynamics feel long-standing and unchangeable,” Dr. O’Mara said.
7. Know when distance is necessary
You may need to limit or step back from family relationships when there is emotional or physical harm.
If interactions consistently leave you feeling worse, you may need to:
- Take a break from certain conversations
- Limit visits or how often you talk
- Practice low-contact (limited interaction with clear boundaries) or no-contact if needed
Distance can help you care for yourself when you’re dealing with damaging or toxic family behavior.
“You can love someone and still limit contact with them. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. Sometimes setting boundaries can actually improve closeness by reducing resentment and emotional exhaustion and protecting the relationship from future harm,” Dr. O’Mara said.
8. Take care of your emotional wellbeing
Dealing with family relationship challenges is stressful. Caring for yourself can make it easier to cope:
- Get enough rest
- Stay physically active
- Spend time with supportive people
- Practice calming routines like walking, journaling or deep breathing
Being kind to yourself is not selfish. It gives you strength to handle hard moments more clearly and compassionately.
When to consider professional help
“If you are feeling anxious, resentful, numb or stuck, despite efforts to cope, or if the family dynamic is negatively impacting your mood, sleep or ability to enjoy daily life, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist,” Dr. O’Mara said.
“Remember, seeking therapy isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a step toward protecting your well-being and finding healthier ways to respond, even when family situations don’t change,” she said.
A therapist can give you tools for improving family communication, boundary setting and emotional regulation.
The bottom line
You don’t have to navigate complicated family relationships on your own. Help is available. Reach out to a Banner Health provider and take the first step toward healthier connections.
