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Balancing Independence and Safety: Talking to Aging Parents About In-Home Care

Older generations are fiercely independent. At least, that’s how they’d describe it. Loved ones may see things differently, but the fact is, aging parents often have a different set of goals than their children. While parents focus on maintaining the lifestyle they’ve cultivated, their children may feel a growing sense of responsibility to protect them from harm.

This dynamic can make conversations about in-home care particularly challenging. To help navigate this complex situation, we spoke with Mandy Johnson, LMSW, with Banner Health to gather tips on building care plans that respect everyone’s needs and goals.

Listening and empathizing with your loved one

Aging often brings fears that can be difficult to describe. Many older adults may push these feelings aside to preserve their sense of independence. When broaching the topic of care, it’s essential to lead with empathy.

“Be empathetic with your loved one and help them understand that you respect their feelings,” Johnson explained. “Make sure they know you’re on the same side. Ask for their opinions and listen carefully to what they have to say, even—especially—if you disagree.”

Once trust is established, share your concerns in a way that feels collaborative. Avoid talking down to your parent or implying you know best. Instead, focus on shared goals and work together to find solutions that feel right for everyone.

Recognizing the signs that care may be needed

Certain signs may indicate it’s time to consider in-home care. Johnson pointed out several common indicators:

  • Increased medical concerns
  • Significant weight loss
  • Depression or withdrawal
  • Poor upkeep of the house
  • Frequent falls or unexplained bruises
  • New dents in the car or reports of getting lost

These situations can be emotional for everyone involved and may result in defensiveness. Approach these conversations with patience and a focus on safety and well-being.

Building care plans that respect independence

“Patient willingness is one of the biggest factors in building an effective care plan,” said Johnson. “It’s important to include your parent in decisions and reassure them that they can retain as much independence as possible.”

Starting with small steps can help ease the transition. For instance, a caregiver might visit weekly to assist with household chores or meal preparation. Over time, as your loved one becomes more comfortable, additional care can be introduced as needed.

“Patients have a right to choose, even if it’s not the choice we want for them,” Johnson said. By involving them in the process, you can create a plan that eliminates roadblocks while helping them feel safe and supported.

Understanding in-home care options

In-home care offers flexible support that can adapt to your loved one’s needs. Caregivers can assist with daily tasks like cooking, bathing and medication management, or provide occasional help with grocery shopping and transportation.

While some families opt for weekly visits, others may require more frequent assistance. Overnight care is also an option for those needing extra support. Services can often be adjusted as needs evolve, ensuring your loved one maintains as much independence as possible.

If you’re unsure about the right level of care, consider speaking with a professional care coordinator. They can help you assess your loved one’s needs and find solutions that work for your family.

When is it time to consider in-home care?

Deciding when to bring in help depends on many factors, but Johnson urges families to act sooner rather than later.

“Falls are a clear indicator that in-home care may be needed,” she said. “Increased falls often lead to further medical complications that could have been prevented with earlier support. Poor nutrition is another warning sign. More than half of older adults receive inadequate nutrition, and this risk increases for those living alone.”

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reaching out to a Banner Home Care expert can be an important first step. They can guide you through the process and help ensure your loved one receives the support they need while maintaining their dignity and independence.

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Content in this article was updated on January 30, 2025.

Senior Health Caregiving