The holidays are a time that many people look forward to for months. For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. But for others, it may also bring a sense of deep sadness.
Grief, sadness and loss can make the holidays feel heavy instead of light and joyful. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, are going through a divorce, lost your job or are experiencing another significant life change, these feelings can be strong and overwhelming. The holidays may even seem to amplify these emotions.
It’s okay to feel this way. You don’t have to force yourself to be happy when you’re hurting. You also don’t have to go through it alone.
Anna Duffey, a licensed social worker and associate director at Banner Behavioral Health Hospital, shared ways to cope, honor your loss and seek help when needed.
Acknowledge your feelings
Society often pressures us to be happy during the holiday season, but grief doesn’t follow the calendar. It’s okay if you aren’t in the holiday spirit and this season is hard. You don’t have to put on a brave face or feel like you have to act a certain way. Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry or even numb.
“Feeling your grief is critical to the process, however painful it may be,” Duffey said. “By opening up, you will be better able to work through the changes you’re going through.”
Be mindful of social media
Social media can influence grief in both helpful and harmful ways. For some, seeing memories or posts about a lost loved one can offer comfort. For others, it can trigger painful emotions.
“Recognize how social media impacts your grief and adjust your usage if needed,” Duffey said. “If scrolling through your feed intensifies your sadness, consider limiting your screen time. On the other hand, sharing your feelings and memories on social media can provide support, comfort and connection with others.”
Be intentional about how you engage on social media to protect your emotional well-being.
Create new traditions
Not being able to share holiday traditions and rituals from years past can make the season much harder. While change can be difficult, one way to honor your loss is by creating new rituals. This can help you feel connected to your lost loved one or cope with a big life change.
Some ideas include:
- Volunteering: You could volunteer at a nursing home or shelter or donate to a charity in honor of a loved one.
- Celebrate their memory: Light a candle in memory of a loved one during holiday meals, make a special decoration or cook their favorite dish.
- Gratitude journal: Start a journal where you write the things you’re grateful for.
- Focus on self-care: Make a new tradition of treating yourself to something comforting, such as a cozy movie night or spa day.
Try to have all family members involved in the planning, as everybody grieves differently.
Set boundaries
“Don’t push yourself to do too much,” Duffey said.
The holidays can be busy and full of social events. It’s okay to say no if something feels like too much. Set limits on how much you’ll participate and be honest with others about what you can handle. True friends and family will understand. If they don’t, that’s on them — not you.
Take care of yourself
Many people overlook healthy eating and proper sleep during the holidays, but it’s important to take care of your mind and body and give them proper care and support.
“Grief can take a toll on your body, energy and strength,” Duffey said.
Here are some ways to practice self-care during the holidays:
- Get enough sleep: Make sure you’re resting. Lack of sleep can make your feelings worse.
- Move your body: Gentle exercise, like walking, can help reduce stress.
- Meditate or pray: Take a few minutes each day to be still and focus on breathing or say a quiet prayer.
- Eat well: Balance holiday eating with fresh vegetables, fruits and lean proteins. Drink plenty of water.
By taking care of yourself, you can better handle the emotional ups and downs of the season.
Plan ahead
Knowing that the holidays will be difficult can help you plan for them. For instance, if you’re anticipating a difficult day during Hannukah, Christmas or New Year’s, plan how you’ll spend it. You could arrange to meet up with a supportive friend or take a short trip to clear your mind.
It’s also a good idea to have a few backup plans. Sometimes, emotions can hit you harder than expected despite your best efforts. Having a Plan B — whether that’s taking a walk or listening to calming music — can give you an outlet to cope when those feelings rise to the surface.
Talk openly with children about grief
Spend time with supportive family and friends. The holidays are often when children miss the deceased person and may feel more disconnected from them.
“If you have children, please make sure you talk to them about grief and explain to them that this is a normal process in healing,” Duffey said. “Provide opportunities for them to feel connected to someone they’ve lost by sharing stories, looking at photos or watching videos.”
Keep the conversation simple and open. Allow your child to express their feelings while reassuring them that it’s okay to miss the person and feel sad. Honest communication helps them navigate their emotions and understand that grief is a natural part of life.
Remember, it’s okay to feel joy
Sometimes, you might feel guilty about having moments of joy when you're grieving. Maybe something makes you laugh, and then the guilt creeps in.
“Feeling happy or laughing doesn’t mean forgetting or disrespecting what you’ve lost,” Duffey said. “It means you’re human. Joy and sorrow can exist together.”
Get help when you need it
If your sadness feels too heavy to handle alone, seek help from a therapist or support group.
“Grief tends to impact people more during the holidays. A support group is a great way to connect with others who understand what you’re going through,” Duffey said. “If you’re struggling to cope, talking to a professional can be very helpful.”
Takeaway
Grief during the holidays is hard but you don’t have to face it alone. Remember that it’s okay to change traditions, set boundaries and care for yourself. Honor your feelings and allow yourself to find moments of joy.
If you or someone you love is struggling, don’t hesitate to seek help. You can contact Banner Behavioral Health at 800-254-4357 or Banner Health’s mental health education and support for resources and treatment options.
