The holidays can be a joyful and busy time filled with family, food and tradition. But if you’re caring for someone with memory loss, this season can also bring extra stress. Changes in routine, crowded gatherings and travel can quickly become overwhelming.
“Trying to find the time to fit everything in during the holiday season can be difficult for caregivers,” said Carrie Langford, MSW, LCSW, associate director of Dementia Care Partners, GUIDE program at Banner Health. “You’re often balancing your own responsibilities while also caring for your loved one. It can take a toll.”
But with some planning, the holidays can be comfortable, meaningful and enjoyable for everyone. Here are seven ways to help your loved one feel included and supported this season.
1. Keep gatherings small and simple
The holidays don’t have to be big or busy to be special. In fact, smaller gatherings often work best.
“Too many people can be overly stimulating for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia,” Langford said. “A crowded or noisy environment can cause confusion and anxiety.”
If your family usually hosts a big holiday celebration, try inviting only a few close relatives instead. You can also split the events into smaller gatherings. For example, have lunch with siblings one day and dessert with grandkids the next.
2. Choose a familiar and calm setting
Even small changes to the environment can make a big difference. Loud music, flashing lights or strong scents can overwhelm someone with memory loss.
“Familiarity and routine are very important,” Langford said. “When someone has dementia, their ability to process and interpret their surroundings is impaired. Being in a familiar space can help them feel comfortable and secure.”
Keep decorations simple, soft and safe. Ensure decorations are non-toxic, so your loved one doesn’t accidentally swallow or choke on something dangerous.
It’s also helpful to create a quiet space where they can retreat. “Allow the person with dementia a quiet place to rest if they become overstimulated,” Langford said. “This could be a cozy room, bedroom or corner with soft lighting and familiar objects.”
3. Focus on meaningful holiday traditions
While short-term memory might fade, long-term memories often remain strong. This means old traditions can still bring joy and connection.
“Quiet activities that allow reminiscing can be comforting,” Langford said. “Since long-term memories are usually retained, it can be heartwarming to recall old family stories, recipes or traditions.”
Consider listening to favorite holiday songs, flipping through old photo albums or baking a recipe that’s been passed down through generations. These familiar sights, sounds and smells can spark happy memories and create moments of comfort.
You might also make a “memory box” filled with old ornaments, greeting cards and keepsakes from past holidays. It’s another way to start conversations and celebrate shared history.
4. Help guests interact with kindness
The holidays often bring together people who haven’t seen your loved one in a while, including children. Their excitement is wonderful, but it can also be overwhelming.
“If possible, try to keep loud or wild children engaged with quieter activities,” Langford said. “Crying and yelling can take a toll on someone with dementia, as the part of the brain that affects reasoning is impaired and it can be harder for them to relate to typical children’s behaviors.”
Before guests arrive, let them know about any changes in your loved one’s condition. Explain that it’s best to speak slowly, clearly and one person at a time. And most importantly, avoid “testing” your loved one’s memory.
“Ask guests not to ask, ‘Don’t you remember?’ or ‘Do you know who I am?’” Langford cautioned. “These types of questions can cause frustration and feelings of shame.”
Have guests reintroduce themselves in a kind way, such as, “Hi, Grandma. It’s me, your granddaughter Sarah.”
And if your loved one says something inaccurate, it’s best to let it go. “It’s time to enter their reality, not provide corrections,” Langford said. “If it’s not upsetting to them, just go along with it.”
[Also read: How to Communicate With Someone With Dementia.]
5. Share the work
You don’t have to do everything yourself. The holidays should bring joy, not burnout.
“Have everyone pitch in with the menu and bring a dish,” Langford said. “Or consider catering the meal to take that task off your plate.”
Even small time-savers can make a difference. “Instead of washing dishes, use paper plates so you have time with your guests,” Langford said.
6. Make time for self-care
Caring for someone with memory loss can be demanding, especially during the holidays. Between meal planning, buying gifts and hosting guests, your own needs can easily get lost.
Langford encourages caregivers to make time for themselves. “Attend a support group leading up to the holidays so you can connect with others going through similar situations,” she said. “Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone can be helpful.”
Ask family members and friends for help. Have someone spend time with your loved one while you take a break. “Take an hour to decompress,” Langford said. “Have a cup of coffee somewhere you enjoy, go for a walk or have lunch with a friend.”
Remember: Caring for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s about self-preservation. When you are rested and supported, you can provide your loved one with the best care possible.
[Also read: How to Avoid Caregiver Burnout.]
7. Focus on joy, not perfection
When things get busy, it’s easy to feel pressure to make everything “just right.” But the holidays aren’t about perfection. They are really about connection.
“The purpose is to bring joy and happiness to you and your loved ones while spending time with those you care about,” Langford said.
Focus on what truly matters: shared laughter, familiar songs and the warmth of being together. Even simple moments, like a quiet meal, a shared story or holding hands, can make lasting memories.
When you let go of expectations and focus on joy, you’ll find meaning in the moments that matter most.
Takeaway
Caring for someone with memory loss can feel overwhelming but you’re not alone. Banner Health offers dementia support programs, caregiver education and compassionate memory care services to help families navigate every stage of the journey.
Banner Health is part of a new national effort to better support people living with dementia and their caregivers through the Guiding an Improved Dementia Experience (GUIDE) Model, created by the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS). The program enhances care coordination, offers respite services, and connects families to vital community resources.
Visit Banner Health’s memory care services to find additional resources, classes and support near you.
